I came back to remind you all that this blog is not dead, nor is the author of it. Haha! No, well it's been a hectic month for me so I decided to clear off from writing for a bit. There are days when I just couldn't hold my thoughts together and even if I could, they felt too heavy for me to assess them. I might have been running away, I don't know. Staying away from here seemed the safest thing to do for me, so I'm sorry to all you who expect me to say something here every once in awhile. But I'm back, and I feel for my sorry blog ;)
We as human beings are constantly pressured by the natural forces that make up the continual progression we call, Life. Some of us just can't see the beauty of life, while some do and don't know how to appreciate it. Why I am saying this is because sometimes, we all need indescribable little reminders in our everyday lives to help keep us in check and to motivate us to see a better tomorrow even if we are contented with how today has gone.
I went to have the little Mini Cooper cleaned today at an Indian-owned shack by the roadside somewhere in BU. (Fyi, if you're looking for a place to wash your cars this is a good one cos they are super thorough ;)) Anyway, I was waiting for the car to be done washing when the maca who owned the mamak came by to sit next to me. He initiated some small talk and I went along seeing as he seemed a nice fellow. He talked about his life here and how different it is compared to his home in India and to my surprise, I was intrigued because I found myself face-to-face with the most sincere Indian I have ever met. The stubborn dignity in his eyes and his voice showed me how life has put him through, but I was left awestruck by the statement he made just before I had to leave. He said, "Mari sini Malaysia mau kerja kuat o boss, jika tidak tak boleh dapat duit. Saya suka sini la, rajin kerja pun boleh senang hati". I don't know how it struck me then, but the way he found enjoyment and subtle pleasure in a country where everyone is complaining seemed to get me. And he reminded me of what I already know; that the prudence of man will always bear good fruit. I paid two bucks for a drink that cost 1:20, but I left with a lesson that cannot be bought with monetary terms. I wish I could've taken this old chap to give his speech to the people sitting on the defiled seats of the Malaysian Parliament, because we clearly need people like him to help get our country moving. I hope I don't sound bitter, I'm just expressing my thoughts. =)
Till next time...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Day Fit For A King Humbled By The Pillars That Line His Splendor
“… dedicated to those who believe in the immensity and the uplifting power of friendship, and especially to those who consider me in the esteem of a big brother, a shoulder to cry on, a nagging old man, a trusted companion, a lover, and finally of a true friend…”
The art of gift-giving is a language of love, a traditional form of generosity expressed in the form of gifts, be it simple or elaborate. Everything I have received on this very day; the cake, wishes, birthday songs, meals, gifts, the Scrapbook… In my eyes, they don’t just carry pecuniary value but sentimental value as well, and I truly see them as rewards for my efforts in being a friend to you all. I do not want to come off as blunt from the previous statement, but I would like to think that everything I have received today has been because I am worthy of it. So as you all read on to truly understand my angle of friendship, I would like you all to take a moment to retrace the steps in your life because I know that, like me, you will realize that true friends will always be there to share your joy and to pick you up when you are at your worst, and they will never let you down if they can help it. The greatness you all think you see in me is all because of you, because of how I am blessed with an amazing gift of being able to draw on the unique strengths of people and incorporate them into my own character. I want to thank you guys for everything that you have done for me to make this birthday one to remember, even when we face periods where we might not see each other for a long time. Every bit of your effort is well & deeply appreciated, and I hope to return the joy that each and every one of you have so generously poured into my life in your own special ways.
The Scrapbook, as it is affectionately known to me, is personally the sweetest concrete gift I have ever received of my 18 years on this planet. It used to be the bicycle I got on my 12th birthday, but I knew I would be getting it whereas the Scrapbook is something I could never have dreamed of having even in my deepest slumber. It is an amazing compilation of beautiful colors and words, but it is more than that to me. The very pages of the Scrapbook, every one of it, represents a bit of your life I can assuredly call my own because of how the sincerity and gratitude flowed from each word into my very heart and spread to the rest of my body, giving me a sense of renewal or reawakening that has lasted until now. I built bridges of friendship because I have a vision of having all my friends around when my biggest dreams come alive, everyone wearing their flawless smiles coupled with sincere expressions that I’ve seen on many of you.
The night I have just experienced with you guys from cell has truly been one of the greatest nights in my life. For that, I will share with you all a little bit from my profound thoughts. As a perceptive person, I have always held an unspoken level of expectation for those I consider my acquaintances. I dare not comment on this aspect of my character as the people who know me do not notice it while the people who keep at a distance find it hard to get to me because of it. But tonight, I was blown away by what each and every one of you contributed to make this night one I will never forget; bringing me on a joy ride to a secluded area where a little restaurant sat in its gloriously amorous grandeur, and I felt like I was in Bali the moment I stepped into it. How you guys took so much consideration as to make me feel so comfortable and belonged tonight really took my breath away, and when you went against my wishes to get the band to sing for me; well, I hope the smile on my face said everything you needed to know. Jeff, I will never forget how you stood there in your nervous self to sing me one of the most timeless songs in the history of romance and personally, no one has ever serenaded me like you did tonight. You guys never knew, but a romantic dinner like tonight did enough to reach into the deepest chambers of my heart and put a smile on my inside that was reflected even on my outside. I sat there lost for words, because for once, I lost myself in my own vocabulary as I could not find the words that would fully captivate how grateful I feel about tonight. A simple “thank-you” will not do, because more than a dinner tonight, you guys taught me a lesson about the good intentions of people.
I always thought people in this world had self-centered motives no matter how nice or charming at heart they may seem. But you all have taught me, that despite the unavoidable motions of reality, people still had true intentions; to bask in the warmth where others find joy, and tonight, you all found me that bit of joy. Every one of you holds a colored brush and with it, you have painted the walls in my mind with unforgettable memories that will last me until the day my mind withers with life. Life has had its share of ups and downs, as many of you will beg to differ, but as for me, a day like this has given me strength and purpose to become the person you all believe rests inside of me.
You may think that I usually make the effort to open up to you guys, but a flame is always started by the frictional motion of two objects (or hearts, for this matter). You all have your own unique attributes, characteristics I am attracted to, and similarities comparable with my own personal composition. Taking these into account, I had to come at you guys from different angles; whether it be by charming you all, buying you drinks, talking about music, sports, or being there when you needed someone most. I am basically trying to say that your life-hardened hearts caused me to utilize my repertoire of outreaching skills to get to know you better, and it brings me nothing but sheer joy to know that I have been nothing more than a sincere companion to all of you. A lot of you made your moves on me too, using your own God-given talents to get me to open up in ways that surprise my own conscious self.
I am not here to boast about any self-consciousness I may seem to portray, but my intentions for writing these lay in the warmth that most of you do not even see in yourself. I have seen glimpses of all your capabilities, and I will admit that each of you have something special and valuable to offer this world and many of you do not realize it because failures and near-misses have put you down. When I was at that point, many of you were there to take notice of me and to lift me up again. My daily drive through the challenges of life are down to the unwavering support I have received from many of you, and just appreciating it is not my thing for I too want what’s best for all of you. My concern for people in general stems from my belief that everyone has a role to play in this earth and for that, they are blessed with something special to bring about change for the better. My friends, you have all taught me time-and-time again that there is always good in everyone and a little love and support is all that is needed to get someone on their way to their path of success.
The writing now becomes a little more humble as I admit my flaws and confess a need to change for the betterment of all those around me, all of you. My temperament and sometimes rash outburst of words may have offended some, if not many of you, and I truly lay down my sincerity at your feet in request of your forgiveness. Hurting someone has never been a part of me that existed, and being hated is the one thing I live to avoid. Sometimes I fail to look at life from your perspectives and I say things that make you question my worth, but my intentions have always been to build and to restore. I want to give back to you all as much as you have graciously sowed in my life, and sometimes I just try too hard. You all know how hard it is for me to say “no” to anyone, and sometimes I live to regret the opportunity costs. But that is only because the happiness you get from my company is where I draw part of my strength. You guys rarely ever see me offended, because my joy is sparked by the little things you guys say and do amongst yourselves; like telling jokes, sharing gossip, listening to music, and exchanging hand-phone numbers. These are the little things that get me, even if I am not involved (but that rarely happens ;)). And I know you all hate it when I sing because of how bad I might sound, but trust me, it is my way of sharing the subtle appreciation I have of life. Don’t expect me to stop anytime soon, because that will only happen if I lose my soul to the depressed side of life.
But given today, I have all the more to sing about and I just want to end this by extending my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who have given up something to be a part of and to share my birthday excitement. None of this would’ve ever happened if it wasn’t for the roles each and every one of you has taken up to make this day one of the best I have ever lived through. Everything you guys did or tried to do for me over the course of the 2nd of July is weighted, in my eyes, more than any quantitive value I can think of. You all introduced me to a new truth in life as well, and it is that you don't need looks, money, or fame to be a celebrity because I was truly made to feel like one today. But the real truth is, every one of you holds superstar status in my life. It may sound a little clichéd to say that you guys rock my world, but I cannot currently find a more befitting statement. Friendship is something I treasure beyond any success I can achieve on my own, and I do not believe in momentary companionships. You're either a friend or you're not, somebody or nobody. But you all are somebody to me, people I can count on to draw my curtains up when it gets dark around me so that sunshine pours back in.
Somewhere down the line of time, every one of you will realize how the smiles of the people you care about can paint sunshine onto your canvas of life. For me, I have already seen it and I wish you all could picture how beautiful you all look on my canvas because of all the spectacular colors you have painted on with your efforts as a friend to me. Your smiles are collected in my box of priceless treasures and many of you have shown me that people could smile with their eyes too, because smiles like that are the hardest to find and it takes more than just years to experience one. But I’m proud to say that the times and instances that have allowed many of us to grow simultaneously have also allowed me to collect eye-smiles that I will cherish for the rest of my journey in this life. You all gave me a day fit for a king, but sometimes a king must take time to remember and cherish the pillars that line his splendor (hence the title for this post) ;)
See you around guys, I love you all. I mean it, every single one of you =)
ps/: comments are truly welcomed and appreciated =)
`juss
The art of gift-giving is a language of love, a traditional form of generosity expressed in the form of gifts, be it simple or elaborate. Everything I have received on this very day; the cake, wishes, birthday songs, meals, gifts, the Scrapbook… In my eyes, they don’t just carry pecuniary value but sentimental value as well, and I truly see them as rewards for my efforts in being a friend to you all. I do not want to come off as blunt from the previous statement, but I would like to think that everything I have received today has been because I am worthy of it. So as you all read on to truly understand my angle of friendship, I would like you all to take a moment to retrace the steps in your life because I know that, like me, you will realize that true friends will always be there to share your joy and to pick you up when you are at your worst, and they will never let you down if they can help it. The greatness you all think you see in me is all because of you, because of how I am blessed with an amazing gift of being able to draw on the unique strengths of people and incorporate them into my own character. I want to thank you guys for everything that you have done for me to make this birthday one to remember, even when we face periods where we might not see each other for a long time. Every bit of your effort is well & deeply appreciated, and I hope to return the joy that each and every one of you have so generously poured into my life in your own special ways.
The Scrapbook, as it is affectionately known to me, is personally the sweetest concrete gift I have ever received of my 18 years on this planet. It used to be the bicycle I got on my 12th birthday, but I knew I would be getting it whereas the Scrapbook is something I could never have dreamed of having even in my deepest slumber. It is an amazing compilation of beautiful colors and words, but it is more than that to me. The very pages of the Scrapbook, every one of it, represents a bit of your life I can assuredly call my own because of how the sincerity and gratitude flowed from each word into my very heart and spread to the rest of my body, giving me a sense of renewal or reawakening that has lasted until now. I built bridges of friendship because I have a vision of having all my friends around when my biggest dreams come alive, everyone wearing their flawless smiles coupled with sincere expressions that I’ve seen on many of you.
The night I have just experienced with you guys from cell has truly been one of the greatest nights in my life. For that, I will share with you all a little bit from my profound thoughts. As a perceptive person, I have always held an unspoken level of expectation for those I consider my acquaintances. I dare not comment on this aspect of my character as the people who know me do not notice it while the people who keep at a distance find it hard to get to me because of it. But tonight, I was blown away by what each and every one of you contributed to make this night one I will never forget; bringing me on a joy ride to a secluded area where a little restaurant sat in its gloriously amorous grandeur, and I felt like I was in Bali the moment I stepped into it. How you guys took so much consideration as to make me feel so comfortable and belonged tonight really took my breath away, and when you went against my wishes to get the band to sing for me; well, I hope the smile on my face said everything you needed to know. Jeff, I will never forget how you stood there in your nervous self to sing me one of the most timeless songs in the history of romance and personally, no one has ever serenaded me like you did tonight. You guys never knew, but a romantic dinner like tonight did enough to reach into the deepest chambers of my heart and put a smile on my inside that was reflected even on my outside. I sat there lost for words, because for once, I lost myself in my own vocabulary as I could not find the words that would fully captivate how grateful I feel about tonight. A simple “thank-you” will not do, because more than a dinner tonight, you guys taught me a lesson about the good intentions of people.
I always thought people in this world had self-centered motives no matter how nice or charming at heart they may seem. But you all have taught me, that despite the unavoidable motions of reality, people still had true intentions; to bask in the warmth where others find joy, and tonight, you all found me that bit of joy. Every one of you holds a colored brush and with it, you have painted the walls in my mind with unforgettable memories that will last me until the day my mind withers with life. Life has had its share of ups and downs, as many of you will beg to differ, but as for me, a day like this has given me strength and purpose to become the person you all believe rests inside of me.
You may think that I usually make the effort to open up to you guys, but a flame is always started by the frictional motion of two objects (or hearts, for this matter). You all have your own unique attributes, characteristics I am attracted to, and similarities comparable with my own personal composition. Taking these into account, I had to come at you guys from different angles; whether it be by charming you all, buying you drinks, talking about music, sports, or being there when you needed someone most. I am basically trying to say that your life-hardened hearts caused me to utilize my repertoire of outreaching skills to get to know you better, and it brings me nothing but sheer joy to know that I have been nothing more than a sincere companion to all of you. A lot of you made your moves on me too, using your own God-given talents to get me to open up in ways that surprise my own conscious self.
I am not here to boast about any self-consciousness I may seem to portray, but my intentions for writing these lay in the warmth that most of you do not even see in yourself. I have seen glimpses of all your capabilities, and I will admit that each of you have something special and valuable to offer this world and many of you do not realize it because failures and near-misses have put you down. When I was at that point, many of you were there to take notice of me and to lift me up again. My daily drive through the challenges of life are down to the unwavering support I have received from many of you, and just appreciating it is not my thing for I too want what’s best for all of you. My concern for people in general stems from my belief that everyone has a role to play in this earth and for that, they are blessed with something special to bring about change for the better. My friends, you have all taught me time-and-time again that there is always good in everyone and a little love and support is all that is needed to get someone on their way to their path of success.
The writing now becomes a little more humble as I admit my flaws and confess a need to change for the betterment of all those around me, all of you. My temperament and sometimes rash outburst of words may have offended some, if not many of you, and I truly lay down my sincerity at your feet in request of your forgiveness. Hurting someone has never been a part of me that existed, and being hated is the one thing I live to avoid. Sometimes I fail to look at life from your perspectives and I say things that make you question my worth, but my intentions have always been to build and to restore. I want to give back to you all as much as you have graciously sowed in my life, and sometimes I just try too hard. You all know how hard it is for me to say “no” to anyone, and sometimes I live to regret the opportunity costs. But that is only because the happiness you get from my company is where I draw part of my strength. You guys rarely ever see me offended, because my joy is sparked by the little things you guys say and do amongst yourselves; like telling jokes, sharing gossip, listening to music, and exchanging hand-phone numbers. These are the little things that get me, even if I am not involved (but that rarely happens ;)). And I know you all hate it when I sing because of how bad I might sound, but trust me, it is my way of sharing the subtle appreciation I have of life. Don’t expect me to stop anytime soon, because that will only happen if I lose my soul to the depressed side of life.
But given today, I have all the more to sing about and I just want to end this by extending my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who have given up something to be a part of and to share my birthday excitement. None of this would’ve ever happened if it wasn’t for the roles each and every one of you has taken up to make this day one of the best I have ever lived through. Everything you guys did or tried to do for me over the course of the 2nd of July is weighted, in my eyes, more than any quantitive value I can think of. You all introduced me to a new truth in life as well, and it is that you don't need looks, money, or fame to be a celebrity because I was truly made to feel like one today. But the real truth is, every one of you holds superstar status in my life. It may sound a little clichéd to say that you guys rock my world, but I cannot currently find a more befitting statement. Friendship is something I treasure beyond any success I can achieve on my own, and I do not believe in momentary companionships. You're either a friend or you're not, somebody or nobody. But you all are somebody to me, people I can count on to draw my curtains up when it gets dark around me so that sunshine pours back in.
Somewhere down the line of time, every one of you will realize how the smiles of the people you care about can paint sunshine onto your canvas of life. For me, I have already seen it and I wish you all could picture how beautiful you all look on my canvas because of all the spectacular colors you have painted on with your efforts as a friend to me. Your smiles are collected in my box of priceless treasures and many of you have shown me that people could smile with their eyes too, because smiles like that are the hardest to find and it takes more than just years to experience one. But I’m proud to say that the times and instances that have allowed many of us to grow simultaneously have also allowed me to collect eye-smiles that I will cherish for the rest of my journey in this life. You all gave me a day fit for a king, but sometimes a king must take time to remember and cherish the pillars that line his splendor (hence the title for this post) ;)
See you around guys, I love you all. I mean it, every single one of you =)
ps/: comments are truly welcomed and appreciated =)
`juss
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Love And Time Are The Best You Can Give Me
Well well, I took a day off from continuing the previous post because I needed time to let the euphoria of Spain's magnificent achievement sink in. It was an amazing spectacle and I thought there could have been no better way to end the footballing season. Well I watched it, and it was worth it because I waited until the end of June to catch my first full match on screen and I was overjoyed when Spain made it to the finals. To win it, well, it's another thing but it definitely made my night.
Fun to say, I'm currently on a writing spree where I have just finished my first informative article for the Pearl magazine about the traditional Indian art called Kolam and I have just submitted it in to my editor. I really am proud of my work, because I'm not used to doing expository writing. Many of you know how I write, and it's very subjective. However, my work turned out quite alright in my opinion and well, I hope I get to work on more projects.
The first of July has never felt so anticipating for me, mainly because I'm sitting here shaking from the impatience for not being able to open Cerys' gift until tomorrow. Haha! Seeing the gift and having to wait to open it up makes me feel like a kid again, something I have missed for a long time. But this year will always be remembered as the year I received God's special gift, and it is Love. Love was once what I was so afraid of but when it hit me, I couldn't wait to give my heart away. But now I have, and a minute never goes by when I am not thinking of my sweetheart. I wanted it to hit me hard and it has, because now my life seems to spin gracefully on an intricately designed orbit. I thing I noticed about being in love is that you never seem to walk on the ground, but you glide above it. I guess it happens when your head is in the air, and walking just seems like an involuntary, subconscious act of motion. Usually, the little things that she says take my breath away and that is enough to fill a whole lifetime's worth of happiness. One thing I have missed so too much as well is Her smile, That smile that is reflected in those deep, fervent eyes and the smile that belongs to Her is worth more than anything life can offer as a replacement. I am not going to be selfish as to point out that this 2nd of July will probably be the best of my 18 years in existence, but it's true that 2008 will always be remembered as the year I found joy in loving encompassingly for the girl who effortlessly fits the many pieces of my life into a grandiose whole.
This is for you again, Cerys. I love you.
Fun to say, I'm currently on a writing spree where I have just finished my first informative article for the Pearl magazine about the traditional Indian art called Kolam and I have just submitted it in to my editor. I really am proud of my work, because I'm not used to doing expository writing. Many of you know how I write, and it's very subjective. However, my work turned out quite alright in my opinion and well, I hope I get to work on more projects.
The first of July has never felt so anticipating for me, mainly because I'm sitting here shaking from the impatience for not being able to open Cerys' gift until tomorrow. Haha! Seeing the gift and having to wait to open it up makes me feel like a kid again, something I have missed for a long time. But this year will always be remembered as the year I received God's special gift, and it is Love. Love was once what I was so afraid of but when it hit me, I couldn't wait to give my heart away. But now I have, and a minute never goes by when I am not thinking of my sweetheart. I wanted it to hit me hard and it has, because now my life seems to spin gracefully on an intricately designed orbit. I thing I noticed about being in love is that you never seem to walk on the ground, but you glide above it. I guess it happens when your head is in the air, and walking just seems like an involuntary, subconscious act of motion. Usually, the little things that she says take my breath away and that is enough to fill a whole lifetime's worth of happiness. One thing I have missed so too much as well is Her smile, That smile that is reflected in those deep, fervent eyes and the smile that belongs to Her is worth more than anything life can offer as a replacement. I am not going to be selfish as to point out that this 2nd of July will probably be the best of my 18 years in existence, but it's true that 2008 will always be remembered as the year I found joy in loving encompassingly for the girl who effortlessly fits the many pieces of my life into a grandiose whole.
This is for you again, Cerys. I love you.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Listen To Your Heart's Beat, Envision The Arrival At Your Dreams, And Everything Will Go The Way You Want
There is little over an hour left before the finals of this year’s Euro tournament reaches its climax, and a respectable fraction of the world’s population will witness the birth of a new footballing powerhouse. The two finalists, Spain & Germany, will battle it out in the majestic city of Vienna tonight where dreams will come alive for one nation while the other will be left to mend broken hearts. The two nations have been resilient, if not fortunate enough to be in this year’s finals, as the hurdles they have overcome were pre-conceived to be insurmountable before the tournament began. Will the Germans’ experience and mental fortitude give them the edge or will the Spaniards’ technical wizardry and perennial consistency tip the tie in their favor? No accomplished servant to the game is brave enough to indicate a clear favorite and no one knows for sure who has the upper hand, but one thing we are certain of for tonight’s ultimate clash is that both teams will play with a high level of passion and commitment that would make it a spectacle for any neutral who would be watching it.
Indeed, the anxiety and the buzz around the world allows the Beautiful Game to deservedly live up to its endearing tag. Don’t forget to catch all the action live on Astro, on NTV 7 or on TV3. Okay, I sounded totally like an Astro spokesperson right then =) There, short & simple for tonight. Later!
Indeed, the anxiety and the buzz around the world allows the Beautiful Game to deservedly live up to its endearing tag. Don’t forget to catch all the action live on Astro, on NTV 7 or on TV3. Okay, I sounded totally like an Astro spokesperson right then =) There, short & simple for tonight. Later!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
He's Familiar With The Sound, The Sound You Make Every Time You Leave
I’m going to give myself credit for even coming back here to update my blog tonight, because it’s been awhile and I was hoping it’d be longer because there’s just nothing to talk about these days. Let’s see, a whip of boredom, a tinge of regret, and load of indolence really make these three months a mental monster to put up with and this blog has had to suffer the worst part of it. There hasn’t been a lot going on, and I may be contradicting myself when I say that it sucks to have it this way. And that’s because I’ve started watching movies again, and this month’s load of films are definitely within my category of “must watch”.
One of those movies that anyone, who has a heart capable of experiencing the orthodox of human emotions, should catch is the romantic comedy with a modern twist, Made Of Honour. Before it premiered, it was bound to generate rave reviews from the media and it did, because unlike its predecessors of clichéd love stories, this movie not only portrayed a man who did everything he could until he got the girl he loved but it showed the lady’s touch in every man’s life. And I thought that was uniquely depicted within the film. The movie not only stirred my emotions to good effect on a hopeless evening, but it further solidified my self-established theory that people tend to fall for their best friends of the opposite sex. Okay, this theory of mine is based on countless second-person experiences & observations and it could be turned into a law if not for some exceptional cases (e.g. gays). Hey, I did my homework. Even the movie, Over Her Dead Body, portrayed something of the like but I’d rather not go there because of the spectral difference in plot.
Anyway, the movie taught me something about life and it is that no matter how life moves you through the motions of change and maturity, what you hold dear to your heart will be subconsciously nurtured by your own soul into something that would give you happiness of an entire sense and it would make you chase it down until you make it yours. Much of this roller-coaster life of mine has depicted me as the protagonist in a scene such as this, but the twist in my story is how I’ve already found and chased down the one girl who would give me love in its supreme entirety for the rest of my life.
Cerys if you’re reading this, you know you’re That Girl and I can never be happier seeing my life grow in the grace of your ever-present support and belief in who I am and who I can be for You. I know I’ll deeply regret spending the years apart from you not being able to watch you from day-to-day as you take new steps to greater heights in your life, but I know that at the summit of my complete joy and fulfillment is where we will soon share the biggest dreams that can only be derived from two people in love. With you, it's certainly beyond difficult what with the pain of not having you around just so I could have a glimpse of the girl who makes me tick, but I love how we make up for it by making every minute spent together a memorable part of our growing list of cherishable memories. And you know one day soon, we'll never have to be apart ever again. I'm not in this because I'm falling into denial again, Cerys, you know I'm not either. But it just feels so perfect with you and around you is how I become vulnerable and yet secured at the same time. It's got to be the way you take me to a slow dance in your silence, and then making me weak with the way you look through your amazing eyes. I love how you believe you can be Her for me, because that little bit of confidence in yourself so hot enough to replace the sun on a Malaysian evening. And I know you trust me, but I want you to fall on me because you know I will catch you no matter how often you fall as you said you will lean on my love as you feel it is where you belong. I can’t say on your behalf that with me is truly where you belong but on my part, with you is where I SEE myself at my happiest and oh I FEEL it too. I can never take the thought you hurting you, as it torments me deeper than pins & needles in my very chest. I want to make you smile as often as you think about me, because I certainly have that vibe with you. I told you before how I held on to something I thought was worth it, only to let it go in the end because it turned out not to be. Since falling in love with you, I’ve found a stronger conviction and inner belief to hold on to you because, from the deepest of my thoughts right down to the center of my heart, I know you are worth it, You are Her, and there can be no one else more perfect for me than you are in your very self. Every time I search into my soul, I sense the captivating beauty of your affection transcending through the very chambers of my mysterious heart that is continually unraveling itself through the sifting magic of your love. Remember how I told you about seeing your very soul through the reflection of a mirror? Well, I’d like you to take a moment’s guess to try to imagine how often I look at my own soul in the mirror, smiling meekly because of the warmth of life you breathed into it. If there is a happier day to come in my life Cerys, it will only be second to the day we fell in love and promised to hold on to our everlasting dreams. As my lover, you know you’re in for the best time of you've ever had and I know I will be the guy to fit seamlessly into the missing spot in your life’s jigsaw just as how you did in mine. Forever belongs to us as forever exists for us, and I know We will be together hand-in-hand when our dreams magnificently blossom before our very eyes like the aurora lights on a northern winter night. Hold on, never let go, and smile always for me my darling, because it takes both of us and I’m not ever giving up what I want in this life (and only you know what it is) with you <3
This one’s for Cerys, thank her for giving me the inspiration to be back here again =)
p.s/ Cerys, this might bore you a bit because of how you read things like this from me almost everyday. But I thought it'd be special to put one up here cos like I told you right, I'd like to share a part of this with you <3
One of those movies that anyone, who has a heart capable of experiencing the orthodox of human emotions, should catch is the romantic comedy with a modern twist, Made Of Honour. Before it premiered, it was bound to generate rave reviews from the media and it did, because unlike its predecessors of clichéd love stories, this movie not only portrayed a man who did everything he could until he got the girl he loved but it showed the lady’s touch in every man’s life. And I thought that was uniquely depicted within the film. The movie not only stirred my emotions to good effect on a hopeless evening, but it further solidified my self-established theory that people tend to fall for their best friends of the opposite sex. Okay, this theory of mine is based on countless second-person experiences & observations and it could be turned into a law if not for some exceptional cases (e.g. gays). Hey, I did my homework. Even the movie, Over Her Dead Body, portrayed something of the like but I’d rather not go there because of the spectral difference in plot.
Anyway, the movie taught me something about life and it is that no matter how life moves you through the motions of change and maturity, what you hold dear to your heart will be subconsciously nurtured by your own soul into something that would give you happiness of an entire sense and it would make you chase it down until you make it yours. Much of this roller-coaster life of mine has depicted me as the protagonist in a scene such as this, but the twist in my story is how I’ve already found and chased down the one girl who would give me love in its supreme entirety for the rest of my life.
Cerys if you’re reading this, you know you’re That Girl and I can never be happier seeing my life grow in the grace of your ever-present support and belief in who I am and who I can be for You. I know I’ll deeply regret spending the years apart from you not being able to watch you from day-to-day as you take new steps to greater heights in your life, but I know that at the summit of my complete joy and fulfillment is where we will soon share the biggest dreams that can only be derived from two people in love. With you, it's certainly beyond difficult what with the pain of not having you around just so I could have a glimpse of the girl who makes me tick, but I love how we make up for it by making every minute spent together a memorable part of our growing list of cherishable memories. And you know one day soon, we'll never have to be apart ever again. I'm not in this because I'm falling into denial again, Cerys, you know I'm not either. But it just feels so perfect with you and around you is how I become vulnerable and yet secured at the same time. It's got to be the way you take me to a slow dance in your silence, and then making me weak with the way you look through your amazing eyes. I love how you believe you can be Her for me, because that little bit of confidence in yourself so hot enough to replace the sun on a Malaysian evening. And I know you trust me, but I want you to fall on me because you know I will catch you no matter how often you fall as you said you will lean on my love as you feel it is where you belong. I can’t say on your behalf that with me is truly where you belong but on my part, with you is where I SEE myself at my happiest and oh I FEEL it too. I can never take the thought you hurting you, as it torments me deeper than pins & needles in my very chest. I want to make you smile as often as you think about me, because I certainly have that vibe with you. I told you before how I held on to something I thought was worth it, only to let it go in the end because it turned out not to be. Since falling in love with you, I’ve found a stronger conviction and inner belief to hold on to you because, from the deepest of my thoughts right down to the center of my heart, I know you are worth it, You are Her, and there can be no one else more perfect for me than you are in your very self. Every time I search into my soul, I sense the captivating beauty of your affection transcending through the very chambers of my mysterious heart that is continually unraveling itself through the sifting magic of your love. Remember how I told you about seeing your very soul through the reflection of a mirror? Well, I’d like you to take a moment’s guess to try to imagine how often I look at my own soul in the mirror, smiling meekly because of the warmth of life you breathed into it. If there is a happier day to come in my life Cerys, it will only be second to the day we fell in love and promised to hold on to our everlasting dreams. As my lover, you know you’re in for the best time of you've ever had and I know I will be the guy to fit seamlessly into the missing spot in your life’s jigsaw just as how you did in mine. Forever belongs to us as forever exists for us, and I know We will be together hand-in-hand when our dreams magnificently blossom before our very eyes like the aurora lights on a northern winter night. Hold on, never let go, and smile always for me my darling, because it takes both of us and I’m not ever giving up what I want in this life (and only you know what it is) with you <3
This one’s for Cerys, thank her for giving me the inspiration to be back here again =)
p.s/ Cerys, this might bore you a bit because of how you read things like this from me almost everyday. But I thought it'd be special to put one up here cos like I told you right, I'd like to share a part of this with you <3
Monday, June 2, 2008
Captivating The Essence Of A Forlorn Mind
So I'm doing this TAG post because JeremyG decided to tag me, and I reckon it's gonna be a little fun to search deep into myself and provide the framework to which people can see me as a person. Without anymore crap I tend to include in simple posts, I better get down to it right now. So here it goes,....
6 things I'm passionate about;
1. Writing
2. Romance
3. Colours
4. Clothes
5. Music
6. Spending forever with Her <3
6 things I say too often;
1. "oh my God...."
2. "Ya wanna fight?"
3. "Lemme think"
4. "Let's do something fun"
5. "I'm broke"
6. "I miss Cerys"
6 books I've read recently;
1. "For One More Day"
2. "Tuesdays With Morrie"
3. "Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows"
4. "Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince"
5. "Harry Potter & The Order of The Phoenix"
6. "A Brother's Journey"
6 songs I can listen to over and over again;
1. "The Water" - Trent Dabbs
2. "Los Angeles" - Peter Bradley Adams
3. "Twenty Years" - Augustana
4. "A Beautiful Mess" - Jason Mraz
5. "Someday Soon" - Nathan Angelo
6. "Smile" - Todd Carey feat. Sara Bareilles
6 things I've learnt over the past year;
1. People don't always get what they want.
2. God has a plan for everything.
3. People don't have to suffer alone.
4. Some people are self-centered and are just looking for a fight.
5. People who truly care stick by you even at your worst.
6. True love is what sets us apart as emotional beings.
6 things I'm passionate about;
1. Writing
2. Romance
3. Colours
4. Clothes
5. Music
6. Spending forever with Her <3
6 things I say too often;
1. "oh my God...."
2. "Ya wanna fight?"
3. "Lemme think"
4. "Let's do something fun"
5. "I'm broke"
6. "I miss Cerys"
6 books I've read recently;
1. "For One More Day"
2. "Tuesdays With Morrie"
3. "Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows"
4. "Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince"
5. "Harry Potter & The Order of The Phoenix"
6. "A Brother's Journey"
6 songs I can listen to over and over again;
1. "The Water" - Trent Dabbs
2. "Los Angeles" - Peter Bradley Adams
3. "Twenty Years" - Augustana
4. "A Beautiful Mess" - Jason Mraz
5. "Someday Soon" - Nathan Angelo
6. "Smile" - Todd Carey feat. Sara Bareilles
6 things I've learnt over the past year;
1. People don't always get what they want.
2. God has a plan for everything.
3. People don't have to suffer alone.
4. Some people are self-centered and are just looking for a fight.
5. People who truly care stick by you even at your worst.
6. True love is what sets us apart as emotional beings.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Auburn Anguish Through The Elegiac Dawn
It’s been a long week, and it feels strangely longer after the exams. I have been juggling with the options I am left with since the rejection of Singapore, but I have been very afraid of taking the next step in considering them. Truth be told, the rejection not only took away the option to study where I think would be most conducive and expedient, but it also took a lot of the decisiveness I held within myself to further my education in Law. I still check my email every time I can with hope of a rebound message, one that would give me a reason to look forward to tomorrow in terms of my education. But with every passing day, that hope seems to slowly fade away as the wait and expectation starts to seem futile.
Right now, I’m in a fragile state. I am thinking rationally, believe me, but I am still recovering from the heartache and disappointment of not having one of my most crucial goals reached. Most people have it that wounds heal over time, and I am not one to argue because this wound is certainly one I have to get over soon and permanently. I have been to looking to find that reassurance and confidence in my strengths, as Mr. Terry Boucher said that I have many of them others would kill to have. And I want to start in my next path motivated that I will achieve more than I believe I can and knowing that I will not regret the choice of not going back to where it all began for me, Canada.
Of all these things I have been searching for; assurance, motivation, confidence, security, peace of mind, and rationality, I know that I have to discover these and mould them with my current predicaments to derive the best possible decision for myself. Stupid thing is, I find it the hardest thing to do right now and I know that I am not walking alone because of the tremendous support and belief people have had around me, but they just don’t see that my choices stem not only from current realizations but also from future appetence as well. I might not be making sense, because I myself do not see sense in my current low. I have been urged to give myself a pat on the back and to enjoy the end of my final term in CIMP, and I so really wish I can. I will find the time to give myself that vital break, the one Cerys said is the best break I can ever have before university, but until then I will be going through the same cycle every day; thinking, fearing, stoning, procrastinating, and thinking again.
I have found a reason not to be disappointed in myself, because I my dedication and commitment showed even when I kept a low profile in college. I am proud of myself for having the courage to exceed where people would see failure, and to pursuit dreams people would find ludicrous. My current desolation has caused me to feel that I may have been dreaming too hard at times, but I figured that naturally big-hearted people find the room and confidence in themselves to dream big dreams. Realization of these dreams do not always happen and I go to God every night humble with my brokenness and not angry with them, for if there is One being who is able to bring goodness and fulfillment from the ruins of failure it is God. I know in Him I can trust and my hurt is restored in His love.
My motivation has led me this far before it stumbled over an obstacle and now I seek alleviation of pain to carry on. I like how the sun tries to encourage me these days, and how lights seem to embolden the colors of beauty I never saw expressed until now. It is with these little discoveries that I leave you here to appreciate the title of this post =)
Right now, I’m in a fragile state. I am thinking rationally, believe me, but I am still recovering from the heartache and disappointment of not having one of my most crucial goals reached. Most people have it that wounds heal over time, and I am not one to argue because this wound is certainly one I have to get over soon and permanently. I have been to looking to find that reassurance and confidence in my strengths, as Mr. Terry Boucher said that I have many of them others would kill to have. And I want to start in my next path motivated that I will achieve more than I believe I can and knowing that I will not regret the choice of not going back to where it all began for me, Canada.
Of all these things I have been searching for; assurance, motivation, confidence, security, peace of mind, and rationality, I know that I have to discover these and mould them with my current predicaments to derive the best possible decision for myself. Stupid thing is, I find it the hardest thing to do right now and I know that I am not walking alone because of the tremendous support and belief people have had around me, but they just don’t see that my choices stem not only from current realizations but also from future appetence as well. I might not be making sense, because I myself do not see sense in my current low. I have been urged to give myself a pat on the back and to enjoy the end of my final term in CIMP, and I so really wish I can. I will find the time to give myself that vital break, the one Cerys said is the best break I can ever have before university, but until then I will be going through the same cycle every day; thinking, fearing, stoning, procrastinating, and thinking again.
I have found a reason not to be disappointed in myself, because I my dedication and commitment showed even when I kept a low profile in college. I am proud of myself for having the courage to exceed where people would see failure, and to pursuit dreams people would find ludicrous. My current desolation has caused me to feel that I may have been dreaming too hard at times, but I figured that naturally big-hearted people find the room and confidence in themselves to dream big dreams. Realization of these dreams do not always happen and I go to God every night humble with my brokenness and not angry with them, for if there is One being who is able to bring goodness and fulfillment from the ruins of failure it is God. I know in Him I can trust and my hurt is restored in His love.
My motivation has led me this far before it stumbled over an obstacle and now I seek alleviation of pain to carry on. I like how the sun tries to encourage me these days, and how lights seem to embolden the colors of beauty I never saw expressed until now. It is with these little discoveries that I leave you here to appreciate the title of this post =)
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